Foot In Mouth Disease

The following alcohol-fueled gems are perfect examples of why I remained a bachelor as long as I did.

"I'm a big fan of visible panty lines. Get up, let's take a look at ya'."

"After a coupla' shots I'll barely notice your harelip."

"I lit up your smoke, the least you could do is give me your phone number."

"Can I buy you a drink?...No?...Can you buy me one?"

"I got my own room and everything, we just can't make too much noise 'cause my mom's a light sleeper."

"If you're a dyke just say so, I'm down with that."

"It's all about personality for me. You like anal?"

"Can't we get to know each other afterwards?

"I thought it would be nice to just sit here and talk with you. You know, 'cause chicks dig that shit."

"You'd make a great hooker."