Not Too Deep Thoughts

I wonder what demented freak took it upon himself to discover for the first time that you could hallucinate from licking that frog.

The little freshness packets labeled, "Do Not Eat" bother me. I say leave off the warning and thin out the gene pool.

One New Year's Eve in the Bronx, I was stopped by a cop and asked if I had seen anyone matching the description of the person drawn on a sheet of paper he showed me. It was an artist's rendering of a guy in a ski mask. I said, "Sure, there's fifteen of him across the street drinking forties, knock yourself out."

While performing my vasectomy my doctor suddenly said, "Oops." Could there be an even more inappropriate time to say "oops" than when you're poking a guy's nuts with sharp metal instruments?

I notice psychics have been awful quiet since 9/11. Pricks.