All Grown Up

The older I get it becomes increasingly clear how overrated adulthood is. As children we eagerly strive to reach that stage in our lives only to be inundated with greater pressures and responsibilities once we do. For many this leads to an overwhelming need to relive the simpler joys of childhood. While adulthood certainly has its benefits, there are more than a few aspects of it that can be quite trying. One of the most trying being the way it tends to sneak up on you. There you are one moment, a longhaired adolescent violently spewing the gut twisting remains of a warm twelve pack on the dashboard of your best friend'’s Chevy Impala after an Anthrax show, then in what seems like the blink of an eye, you'’re a decade older, several jean sizes wider, sporting a comb over and holding your wife'’s purse in the mall; A rude awakening to say the least. The following is a condensed list of situations that tend to hammer home the fact that you'’ve reached adulthood. I'’m certain you all have lists of your own so feel free to share.

You Know You've Finally Become An Adult When:

1) The teacher from The Breakfast Club doesn'’t seem like such an asshole anymore.

2) You wait for your boss to leave the room before giving him/her the finger.

3) You apply the term "“young punk"” to people in their twenties.

4) Groups of two or more stoners appear menacing.

5) Your potbelly serves as a flotation device.

6) Gray hairs sprout from places other than your head.

7) At least two of the Golden Girls look kinda hot.

8) You make so many nightly visits to the bathroom you can make your way in the dark.

9) You'’re flattered beyond measure when proofed at bars.

10) "“Let'’s see, sex...sleep, sex...sleep, sex...Ah fuck it, sleep".