Bite Me Dr. Spock
We all presently live in what can undoubtedly be referred to as The Information Age. At no other time in history has knowledge in its countless forms been so readily accessible to the masses. As beneficial as this has been to mankind, it's also proven to be a detriment. Being privy to such limitless (and all too often unverified) amounts of data has led to a disturbing sociological trend; every clueless simpleton with access to the Internet or the Oprah Winfrey Show is becoming an authority on virtually everything.
I harbor a special animosity for the sanctimonious twerps who insist upon offering parenting advice. It's generally childless, politically correct yahoos that possess the greatest need to offer their unrealistically utopian vision of child rearing and label nearly every form of discipline as child abuse. These are the same quasi-intellectual, yuppie asswipes who invented the "time out". Only someone who's never raised a child would suggest a method of correction other than several open-handed ass slaps when your high-pitch screaming, foot stomping, juice box throwing, drool-spewing, snot-nosed three year old throws a mental patient variety temper tantrum at the Orange Julius.
In addition, I find pet owning balloon heads that base their so-called knowledge of child psychology solely upon their experiences pampering their miniature dog particularly nauseating. Only childless gay couples that rely upon the published works of Mr. Rogers for their expertise on child development rival their audacity. However, nothing sends me over the edge like the union of the two forces. I'm certain that more than a few parents out there have had their parenting skills questioned by at least one simply adorable, ultra-hip, jet-setting lesbian duo carrying a loathsome, spastic Shih-Tsu they call their baby and dress up in those insipid little sailor outfits.
What we all must understand is the fundamental truth about parenting; no official training manual exists for it. Parenting is not a science, it's a philosophy and experience is the only true teacher. With that in mind, I'd like to offer a bit of advice to any well intentioned non-parents out there who still feel they have sage counsel to offer regarding my abilities as a parent; kiss my ass.
I harbor a special animosity for the sanctimonious twerps who insist upon offering parenting advice. It's generally childless, politically correct yahoos that possess the greatest need to offer their unrealistically utopian vision of child rearing and label nearly every form of discipline as child abuse. These are the same quasi-intellectual, yuppie asswipes who invented the "time out". Only someone who's never raised a child would suggest a method of correction other than several open-handed ass slaps when your high-pitch screaming, foot stomping, juice box throwing, drool-spewing, snot-nosed three year old throws a mental patient variety temper tantrum at the Orange Julius.
In addition, I find pet owning balloon heads that base their so-called knowledge of child psychology solely upon their experiences pampering their miniature dog particularly nauseating. Only childless gay couples that rely upon the published works of Mr. Rogers for their expertise on child development rival their audacity. However, nothing sends me over the edge like the union of the two forces. I'm certain that more than a few parents out there have had their parenting skills questioned by at least one simply adorable, ultra-hip, jet-setting lesbian duo carrying a loathsome, spastic Shih-Tsu they call their baby and dress up in those insipid little sailor outfits.
What we all must understand is the fundamental truth about parenting; no official training manual exists for it. Parenting is not a science, it's a philosophy and experience is the only true teacher. With that in mind, I'd like to offer a bit of advice to any well intentioned non-parents out there who still feel they have sage counsel to offer regarding my abilities as a parent; kiss my ass.
posted by M.R. at 11:50 PM
9 Comments:
BRAVO! And let me tell you, if The Captain dares to throw a mental patient variety temper tantrum anywhere I will not hesitate to take him home immediately. In the event I can't take him home I will then take him to the bathroom and beat his butt.
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
WCG - Bravo indeed. I don't see too many parents arguing my point. It's comforting to know The Captain is in good hands.
Thanks hon. Unfortunately, I've seen plenty of parents who pretty much let their kids run the show. All the snivelly PC liberals have made it so parents are afraid to BE parents for fear of being accused of abuse or some shit.
Fuckers.
Keep up the good work on this blog. I enjoy watching it progress!
Ted - Thank you very much. Your site is a true public service, I appreciate your efforts. I've taken the liberty to bookmark it.
Dead On Dude,
I have raised three children, one of them was adopted as a ward of the state until they were 10. Timeouts and negotiating tactics are just opportunities to turn a child into a flesh turd. Even handed, loving application of the board of education and the sound of one hand clapping (against their bottom) are what work in real world situations. Bravo again!
Manly Geek - "Flesh Turd"; I like that.
I agree with what you're saying, but wait a second- I'm a childless, lesbian with three small dogs--so I guess I'm not allowed to agree with you huh?! Great stereotyping!!!
Leo - Settle down fella'. If you agree with me it's because you're obviously not the type of jackass I mentioned. There's no stereotyping going on here and you know it so cut the militant crap, you're not impressing anybody.
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